Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
