Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
