You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
