i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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