Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
