Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
You're earring is so big in my mouth
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
