im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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