last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
