I haven't been this sober since birth.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
