Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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