idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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