"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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