So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.