I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?