if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!