I think I just saw someone hide a body.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
