She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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