I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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