Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
