I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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