whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
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