YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
