You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
