Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
