another moral hangover. fuck.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
