Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
