Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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