you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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