R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
