Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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