Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
