fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
