had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
