just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
