$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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