I cut my penus on the lid.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
How does one acquire holy water?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
