Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
