some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I'm always down for nudity.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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