So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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