Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
