Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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