I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
