Sry I called you an 8
And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Randomize
