You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize