My Higher Power is John Stamos
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
