i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Randomize
