Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
COCAINE IS GR8
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
