I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize