Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
