if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
