So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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