just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
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Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
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You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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