No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
