"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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