I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
