I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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