the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
23 Struggles Kids These Days Will Never Know
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you