I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.