He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
