Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
