If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize