omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
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