she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
