my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
