Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
birth control should be required to get into college
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
