So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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