Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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